My Mother the Home Wrecker

That's right. You read that right. My fifty-two year old mother is a home wrecker. I learned all of this several weeks ago, and only now am I able to put it down in print, it disturbs me so. Ok, not really, I've mostly just been super busy and out of town and stuff. Anyways, here's the scoop: my mom came over for a visit a couple of weeks ago and dropped a bomb on me: she's been having an affair with a married man on and off for the past five years. Which means that she's been having an affair since she left my dad. I already know that she'd had an affair on my dad (she doesn't know that I know, but she'd given me enough hints that included events and dates that I was able to put it together myself), but I did not know that it was with a married man. This explains all of the cloak and dagger the past five years. Here I thought it was because he was a younger man (he is six years older than me), and she was purposefully keeping him from us because if he were to see me, it might drive the age factor home with him (I mean seriously, should he not be dating someone my age instead of my mother's?). Turns out all the secrecy was to ensure this cheating bastard's wedded bliss. Fucking hell.

My mom was suitably morose over the whole thing at least. She divulged that they tried to end it numerous times. She even moved away to try and make it easier for them to end things. And here I thought she'd moved to the same city as me to be closer to our family. Sigh. Anyways, time and distance changed nothing in the end. But apparently her crazy little tryst with the drunk had its desired affect and the cheater realized that my mom was moving on and made a decision, and chose her. So, he told his wife, left her, moved into a hotel until she can get all of her things out of their home, and then he and my mother are moving into said home. Which means that my mother will be moving back from whence she came. I'm not concerned about this. We see her no more than once a month anyways, so we'll see her less, but not a whole lot less.

Here's what I'm struggling with: my mother was so happy when she was telling me all of this. SO happy. I'm talking quite possibly happier than I have ever seen her in my adult life. We're talking walking on air, huge weight lifted from her shoulders happy. She was so happy that it was impossible not to be happy for her. I am happy for her. I honestly want her to be happy. Somebody once said (I can't remember who, but I'm sure they were wise) that you can't build your own happiness on someone else's misery, and that is exactly what my mother and the cheater intend to do. Apparently, despite "all the signs" this poor woman was completely in the dark about the affair, and when informed, became devastated. Not unlike how my own father reacted when my mother informed him she'd been miserable for the past decade and was leaving him. So, I want to be happy for her, but I have these reservations.

Second reservation: the cheater. This is the guy that has dicked my mother around for the past five years (granted, she's allowed it). They were together and he was making grandiose gestures of love and intent to marry (while still married), and then he would backpedal and my mother's heart would break and she would retreat into herself in a depression that nobody had any explanation for because we didn't know what the fuck was going on. But now she trusts him implicitly and is ready to quit her job (a union job with great benefits from which she is less than five years from earning an excellent pension), uproot herself and move to be with. The romantic in me wants to applaud the fact that true love is victorious here. But the more jaded pragmatist wants to bitch-slap the romantic.

I've learned that whatever cautionary words I may choose to share with her will be wholeheartedly ignored, so I know that there's not point in saying anything to that effect. I've told her that I'm happy that she is happy. And I've thanked her for finally being honest with me. Five years of my mother's furtive behaviour finally explained is nice to have, I admit. I do question my mother's judgement, sure, I mean really, her track record isn't great: a cheater followed by a drunk with a cheater redux. Not awesome at all. But she's all growed up, and I am her kid, not her parent.

So that's the latest and greatest with my mother. The home wrecker. Sigh.

I am grateful, though, that my mother is happy. I really and truly am. I hope that it lasts.